this is how my heart breaks, forever.

[big daddy lizzeh.]

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[bg=#000304] Summer was in full swing within Isola, and Zandarkand has been trying to keep cool within caves and the different water sources he could find. Sometimes, his ventures took him outside of Rocas, and away from the small crush he had on Char. But now, as he entered the lands he had come to call home, the nervousness that had become settled in the pit of his stomach eased, and for once in weeks he felt calm. Flicking his ears on top of his skull, eyes looked around the clearing he had just entered, noticing how green the lands were. With the most recent rains having given the island much needed relief from a heat wave, the vegetation sat greener than it normally was during the summer season. A loud rumble ran through the bay Thoroughbred's stomach, and a blush set into his face. Glancing around, he hoped that no one was near enough to hear how hungry he was. It wasn't as if he was starving, the bones of his body was covered nicely due to the grass he had been feasting on while in hiding. Entering the meadow, ears stayed tilted forward on top of his head, always alert in case something within the Rocas lands wanted to ambush the stallion. Flaring his nostrils as he stopped halfway through the clearing, he took in the scent of the grass around him. Zandarkand had always enjoyed the smell of the grass when it had rained and the sun was drying it. It brought back memories of life before the island. Smiling faintly to himself, the bay stallion lowered his head to the Earth's surface, nibbling slowly on the delectable vegetation the world had to offer. The calls of the ravens nearby drew his attention from his grazing, and as he lifted his head to look at the trees, he caught sight of the birds lifting off into the air. A concerned look crossed his face, and he wondered what was bothering the winged creatures. Shaking his coat, a hoof lifted off the ground, stomping down onto the ground with a snort. He wouldn't follow after the birds, he was going to stay within this small clearing to enjoy the banquet set out before him, and the sun shining down upon his coat. It wasn't as hot as it had been, the humidity wasn't as high as usual. The puffy clouds floating across the blue sky above hinted at a storm possibly rolling in, as did the far off rumble of thunder that seemed to reach the stallion's ears.

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zandarkand

[/font][/size] .
four hundred twenty seven .
rolling in the deep ; adele .
here ya go, sibby! lets get char and zan together .
lizzeh 2011 .[/color][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[sibber-chow]

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[bg=#000000] The mare's mind reeled between thoughts of the present and the not so distant past. Her heart throbbed and she felt more torn than she ever had. Truly, Jack had saved her from the plagues of not meeting her mother's expectations, from the thoughts of being unjust as a lead, from not meeting her role at top of the hierarchy. These things no longer seemed a burden; she simply couldn't bring herself to think of them. Yet, new troubles ticked away at her mind. All that haunted her was Jack, the smallest signs of swollen barrel at product of his seed, and dearest Zandarkand. Had she betrayed him? A disgruntled whinny escaped her kissers as she tried to think everything through. There wasn't a single regret in her mind of the foal that was now burdened upon her, nor bitterness towards the mating that had lead her to pregnancy. She could only recall happiness, love even, in her thoughts of the day she had met Jack. She could not rationalize beyond that... there was a part of her that cared deeply for Jack, more-so than she could fathom. And, though, he had warped her mind to believe that them parting ways was the best, it was the very one thing of his mind control that she ever questioned. She had not wanted to leave him. But, where did that leave her and Zandarkand. She still loved and cared for him, but did he feel the same? Would he feel the same after witnessing her swollen form - beaming with the early signs of new life? And, could she ever truly say she loved either if such a large part of her heart would always belong to the other? Her head hung low. She did not feel sorry for having this foal with Jack, for he had so comforted her mind otherwise. Merely the predicament she was in did she feel any burden from... Head shifted suddenly as the sound of moving birds caught her ears. Curiosity peaked as she moved to inspect the scene, but only to be redirected in path once an all too familiar scent crossed her nares. Zandarkand. There was dread for the way he might react, fear he might feel betrayed, wonderment if he was who she loved... or the other. Yet, empowered with Jack's reassurance of her leadership, she was well aware it was her duty as lead to own up to everything that had happened. She would take whatever consequences that came from her actions, but never would she allow herself to feel shame for what her and Jack had created. A gentle whinny crossed her kissers, hesitant hooves approaching the form. As she caught his visage, she forced herself to stand tall as a lead should. "Zandarkand..."
[bg=#000000]characters: Char word count: 460 muse music: MCR ooc: Oh, heh, not sure if you were aware, but Char and Call Me Jack bred due to Jack's powers. He was saving her... here is the thread, if you didn't know; hurr. x3

[big daddy lizzeh.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,392,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true]

[bg=#000304] He had gone back to grazing, after the birds had seemed to disappear over the trees that surrounded the clearing. Zandarkand was content on standing here forever, by himself, enjoying the sunshine and the gentle grass that tickled his hooves. But, the moment went in an instant, snuffed out like a flame by the wind, and ears tilted back. Many scents played upon the air, and they confused the bay Thoroughbred. So much that it clearly showed upon the gentle creature's features. Ears tilted back toward his head, as his muzzle left the surface of the Earth once more. His name. Someone had spoken his name. The voice that had said it was so familiar, but it seemed to have molded into something different. Turning his head to look at who had spoken to him, his stomach did a small flip. Before him stood Char, looking more grown up and in charge than normal. There was an urge to walk over to her, to touch her, but the strange scent lingering on her prevented him to do so. It confused him. Eyes stared at the Lead curiously, though ears stayed tilted toward his head. Muscles twitched under his copper colored coat, as he continued to resist bolting toward her.

[/font] Hello.. Char,[/font] his voice seemed to falter, and he clenched his jaws. He didn't know the stallion's scent that danced around Char, and it confused him. What had she done? He could clearly see her swollen barrel, something he was all too familiar with, and his nostrils flared gently. This situation seemed like the stories the ravens told him when he was bored. About the horses who would go out, breed with some random horse, and come home to expect the love and comfort that was there before. The ravens told the story of Hannibal and Tuula, whoever they were, and about heartbreak and betrayal. Was this what he was to expect by living upon the island? Of a life of heartache and distrust?

Shaking his head quickly, the stallion breathed out, finally gathering himself together to speak once more.[/font] Now, the only question is, I guess, is if I should go now or later,[/font] he muttered, though he wasn't upset with the Lead. She wasn't tied down to anyone, she didn't have a mate, she could do what she wanted. If she felt that having a foal with a complete stranger was a good idea, that was her call. However, Zandarkand was beginning to think that wasting his time here in Rocas, and his emotions on Char, was a terrible decision. Muscles twitched once more, as eyes rested upon the mare before him, not an ounce of betrayal showing. He didn't feel betrayed. The stallion hadn't told Char what he felt for her, so why did it matter?[/size][/font][/blockquote]

zandarkand

[/font][/size] .
four hundred sixty six .
cry me a river; justin timberlake .
x - x- x .
lizzeh 2011 .[/color][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[sibber-chow]

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[bg=#000000] Char could see the confusion written across Zandarkand's face, and the strong composure melted away. She felt she could not bare to stand tall when there was so much strife in the stallion. Blue orbs sought to meet with the bay's gaze, ears flicking back against her skull. She wanted to explain, although she did not know the words to use. What could justify what she had done in the stag's mind? What she had done was believed, warped right in her mind, but she knew such was not so in his eyes. That was the only thing that hurt about the situation she had gotten herself into; she had never wanted Zandarkand to be a causality. Her friend, someone she loved dearly - was she in love with him though? She had thought so until most recent events. "Zan-" Words were cut short by his next statement. Her heart ached at the very words. Char couldn't bare him to leave, yet she felt herself utterly selfish for such. Who was she to keep him to herself if he so chose to leave? ... if he could not bare the decision she had made? "Zandarkand, you don't need to leave at all. This, this is your home." Quiet steps brought the mare before her counterpart, head hung slightly beneath his own. The mare wasn't certain what else to say that might convince the stallion not to leave. She even wondered if it was right for her to try. With recent events, her concept of love had been flipped entirely, but she did know he was her friend. But, was that enough? Was it fair to keep a friend tied down? Her head reeled and she longed for the comfort she had found in the bask of Jack's presence, his prowess of the mind though she was oblivious to it's existence. Her muzzle moved to rest gently on her friend's cheek, breathing in the familiar scent. It was a scent that brought about another type of comfort for the mare. A comfort in the protection he had provided in times past, a comfort in familiarity. She'd had no choice but to leave Jack, her mind had pried her away that day. Could she lose this comfort too? Had she the liberty of such choices? "I don't want you to leave, but that is terribly selfish of me, my friend." Without another word, the mare backed away. She would press him no further - it was his will to choose despite the inner strife that begged her to believe otherwise.
[bg=#000000]characters: Char word count: 425 muse music: Tokio Hotel ooc: ...

[big daddy lizzeh.]

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[bg=#000304] Is it?

[/font] Something within him snapped, and there was a flood of anger surging throughout. No matter how hard he tried to force the emotion back into the small vial it had been brewing in, it just wouldn't stay. It flooded every fiber of his being, and his muscles twitched underneath his coat once more. The sunlight that shimmered down upon the pair didn't feel warm to him anymore. It was growing annoying, wanting nothing to do with the sun and the sereneness that it offered moments ago. Instead, the stallion wanted to be back in one of those caves he had been living in during the heated summer days, alone and forgotten. Ears stayed pinned against his skull, as eyes bore into the mare before him. How could he even consider her a friend? Nostrils flared in his anger, and he only barely managed to control the urge to reach out and bite her.[/font]

Tell me, Char. Does it make you feel better to know that you have done this? Having a bastard child enter the world,[/font] his words were venom, spat at her like a cobra would have done. Eyes narrowed at the multi-hued Lead before him, and Zandarkand finally broke. No, tears weren't worth this, but the anger was. He had been waiting for her to grow up just a little bit before telling her of his feelings, but perhaps he had waited too long.[/font] I will say my good bye to Phantom, then I will leave your lands.[/font] Snorting at his words, he moved around her, again restraining the urge to snap at her flesh, his head pulled toward his chest as he walked. His breath came in small bursts, the reality of the situation crashing down onto him. He would leave her be, he would fade into the background, as stallions usually did within this island. Maybe once he was over this whole ordeal, he could find someone else to waste his emotions on.

Before he reached the trees, he paused for a brief moment, staring into the shadowy recesses of the forest. Turning his head to look at Char,[/font] you never stopped to think, that I might have loved you, did you?[/font] His words drifted upon the breeze that floated through the clearing, and as soon as they had left his mouth, he turned and entered the trees.

Love. It was something that always bit a horse in the ass in the end. And for once in Zandarkand's life, he knew what his mother had meant about giving his heart to someone. As he wandered through the trees, the distance between Char and himself growing with each step, his feelings started bottling themselves up again. The raw pain that this little adventure had left remained, stinging his slightly torn heart.[/size][/font][/blockquote]

zandarkand

[/font][/size] .
four hundred seventy nine .
hero ; enrique englasias .
x - x- x .
lizzeh 2011 .[/color][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[sibber-chow]

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[bg=#000000] The intensity of the stallion's voice, his very gaze, sent a shiver through the lead's spine. Her head shot up immediately as she took a few paces back from the brute. She did not think he would hurt her, but the anger that surged through him seemed to seep into the open air. It tainted each breath and forced her to believe that he might just be a threat. It was a feeling she had never received from her generally even-tempered companion. Once more, she felt anguish at the pit of her stomach, for she had brought out this beast of bitterness with her actions. It was not until he spoke of the child brewing within her that her frame of mind shifted. Having grown with Bullet, a bastard child of her mother, the filly knew well what the effects of such judgment and treatment could have on a child. There was no way she would allow such to be bestowed upon her own offspring. "Zan, how dare you say such things?" Her voice was torn between rage and pain. Eyes watched with harsh gaze as her moved to leave. She had no intention on stopping him, hurt by his reactions and his words. Ears flicked as he turned back to her one more time. The words had been ones she'd longed to hear for as long as she had known the handsome bay. Yet, they did not enstill the warmth she had always imagined they might. Rather they were bitter sentiments upon her ears, a battering to her tattered heart, and further confusion to inflict her mind. What was a mare to do? The meaning behind his words spun through her mind and she couldn't help but ask herself the very question. Would it have mattered? She did not think it would. For whatever reason, she had fallen for Jack that day. It had been love, yet they had split ways and her mind was tormented with the thought that it was the best thing for her. She could not deny that feelings for him were still there, but he had left her. Was she going to let a chance at love, was this love, escape her a second time? A gentle trot broke from the mare's form before she could think about it. She did not know the answer to these queries, but she would not let it end like this. Whether she was in love with Zandarkand or Jack or either, she could not be sure, but she did love Zandarkand too deeply for it to end this way. She had to amend their friendship at the very least. Her tender heart couldn't tolerate another blow, another betrayal. She needed him to be there for her. "Zan- please! Don't leave..."
[bg=#000000]characters: Char word count: 459 muse music: a mix ooc: ...

[big daddy lizzeh.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,392,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true]

[bg=#000304] Thoughts roamed his mind, like a plague upon the world, as he continued his way through the trees, blindly seeking a refuge away from Rocas. The bay had had enough of emotions and mares for the time being, and wanted to just settle down in some dark, desolate place and go to sleep. Ears twitched on top of his head, not really paying attention to where he was going, and nearly collided with a tree. Stopping almost instantly, before he could hit the tree, he pulled his ears back against his skull, quite frustrated that he would let his thoughts distract him so much. Flaring his nostrils, Zandarkand shook his head violently, allowing the lids of his eyes to close, as a sigh escaped him. He had to apologize to Char. He didn't mean the things he had said to her, didn't mean to hurt her. But knowing that she was going to have a foal with some other stallion caused his heart to break even more. Drowning within his sorrows, he almost missed Char's voice calling, pleading for him not to leave. Standing in front of this tree still, he opened his eyes, and turned toward where he knew Char would appear, waiting to hear any reason as to why. Why? Why should he stay? Because it hurt her to see him go? Did she need him here? Snorting at the thoughts, Zandarkand waited, his tail slapping over his hide so harshly, that it left a little sting in it. Ears were not held against his skull now, instead they rested somewhere in between, listening to the sounds of the forest around him, and the approaching mare.

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zandarkand

[/font][/size] .
two hundred seventy seven .
hyrule field main theme, legend of zelda .
please do go into hiding, muse .
lizzeh 2011 .[/color][/blockquote][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[sibber-chow]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true]
[bg=#000000] Char had not planned the words to say and found herself falling short as she stood before the brute, her old friend. The silence was unbearable, and she felt she owed him something. She had never meant to hurt him. In fact, she had never meant to get pregnant. Yet, she still could not regret it. It was beyond the means of her mind to even try. "Zan, I, I don't know the right words to say. I'm not sure what will make everything okay. I do know I never want you to be hurt... I... I am sorry for that." Tears swelled in her blue orbs and the mare could have cursed herself for such dramatics. She knew she needed to be strong. But, the strength never came to her. It had hurt her, despite how he had tried to reassure her mind with his elemental prowess, it had hurt for Jack to leave. Yet, she had just let him go. Could she do the same with Zandarkand? The strength she had called upon only moments ago with realization of her rank crumbled. She could feel nothing but vulnerability and pain for having hurt Zandarkand so much. How could the thing that still brought her heart so much joy, also carry such hardship? "I need someone to be here for me," it was a selfish request. But, the care in her for Zandarkand and Jack both was vast. She could not bear to be left by them both, could she? If it were to come to that, she felt she'd become the distant matriarch her mother had been. The thing she had once longed to be, she now dreaded with every fiber of her being.
[bg=#000000]characters: Char word count: 284 muse music: Beautiful Loser - William Control ooc: Blegh, I don't know what to do with her right now. >>

[big daddy lizzeh.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,392,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true]

[bg=#000304] Words couldn't really be placed in a sentence, as the stallion listened to Char's words. She didn't mean to hurt him, but she had, and it stung more than anything in the world. Ears flicked uneasily as tears welled in the Leader's blue eyes, and he restrained himself to reach out and touch her cheek, to comfort her. No, he was upset, and comforting her wasn't going to make him feel any better. Shaking his head slightly at her next words, the stallion flared his nostrils at her. You need me here? Are you honestly sure about that, Char? Eyes narrowed at the mare, though deep down, he was wanting to reach out again and comfort her. Torn in two, between making himself feel better and make sure Char was alright. And what do you expect me to do when you have this child? Just sit around and play dad? Zan wasn't ready to take care of any child, or at least, he tried to convince himself he wasn't. He was still young, and still had plenty of time before him before he even wanted to think about children of his own. Ears twitched atop his skull again, as his tail slapped his hide to rid it of flies once more. Deep eyes stared at his Lead, waiting for her answers. He would wait to all ends of the Earth for this little bastard child to grow up and move away, as he didn't want anything to do with the stallion who had gotten the mare he loved pregnant. Eyes blinked at the thought, and he pawed the ground impatiently. zandarkand . two hundred sixty eight . teardrops on my guitar, taylor swift . x - x- x . lizzeh 2011 .

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[sibber-chow]

"I am sure that I want you here, yes." That was just about the only piece of certainty in her life.

Ears were flattened as she considered his concerns and she tried to maintain a level head. Tears were still fresh in her gaze but she managed to choke them back, to prevent them from breaking a path down her cheek once again. "I don't expect you to think of this child as your own. It isn't yours."

"However, I will, as lead, expect you to treat it as it is - the child of a lead. I don't want this babe to be treated bitterly because of whatever qualms you have with my actions. I do want this child. I do not regret it. I only regret that my actions have hurt others... have hurt you. The child should not be to blame nor is it a despised thing in my heart." And, she would never tolerate it to receive bitter treatment. It was deeply driven into Char's mind that this foal would be revered with care and love regardless of what caused it to exist. She loved it's father too, even if she didn't know whether or not she was in love with him. He would not be treated with a foul passion either - this was as much her wanting as his, or so her mind could conceive it.

[big daddy lizzeh.]

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[bg=#000304] Eyes narrowed as the lead spoke, the stallion's ears tilting back against his head. Why would she even think that he would treat her precious child like such? Did she honestly think he was some sort of monster? Nostrils flared, and the Thoroughbred closed his eyes, contemplating his next words to the young mare. You act like I would be cruel, like some of the other stallions on this island. And, because of this, I must leave you to your fate with this child you've created. I wish no ill toward you or your unborn child. But. There was supposed to be a but on there, to be a continuation, to warn her about something, but he couldn't bring himself to continue. Sighing, the stallion took a step forward, placing his muzzle gently upon Char's cheek. Dear Char. Do not be sad over my departure. Learn from it and grow. I wish you and your child a pleasant future, the stallion spoke calmly to her, and then stepped back, ears tilted forward, If you ever need me, dear Char, you'll find me wandering the willow trees of Cascata Più Forrest. Until then, good bye, my love. The stallion turned around, moving away from the multi-hued mare. Eyes blinked, as the stallion disappeared into the trees, his hooves taking him slowly through the forest. Suddenly, muscles tensed under his coat, and he pushed off at a gallop, causing the distance between him and Char to grow. zandarkand . two hundred forty four . cry me a river, justin timberlake . he's not gone for good, don't worry, sibbs. just needs to clear his head! . lizzeh 2011 .

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